Worst. President. Ever.
posted by Unknown at
20:57
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0 Comments
20 November 2005
18 November 2005
Some Republican jokes for you!
What do you call an attack on civilian assets that have been targeted for over a decade by a group that has openly sworn to attack those assets by any means possible in every media known?
SNEAK ATTACK
What do you call a side dish made from potatoes that you rename in an attempt to chastise, censor, and silence a good friend for merely excercising their right to be openly critical of a bad decision you made?
FREEDOM FRIES
What do you call a tax, the sole purpose of which is to prevent extremely wealthy families from developing untouchable powerbases and one-way financial engines that add nothing to the economy?
DEATH TAX
What do you call an institution that was originally created for the legal binding of houses for purposes of political power-maintenance and the legal creation of families and financial units for protection from institutionalized government, when said institution has only included an element of real romance and choice in the last two centuries; an institution that, in its present form, includes pagan rituals, practices innovated in the 20th century, and which destroyed dozens of ancient forms of itself in a relentless religious pogrom lasting almost a millenia?
TRADITIONAL MARRIAGE
What do you call a series of laws designed to drastically reduce the civil rights of individual Americans, under the auspices of fighting terrorism and "protecting" said Americans, when such laws usurp the intent of our Founding Fathers that no individual or single branch of government should have power over our citizens without checks and balances from two other houses, a principle laid down to prevent the kind of governmental abuses that originally inspired us to seek our independence as a nation in the first place?
THE PATRIOT ACT
What do you call a relationship between a dogmatic oligarch, so zealous in his religion that he's willing to commit genocide in its name, and a secular tyrant so prodigal and narcistic that every depravity known to man was commited under his regieme?
INTIMATE ORGANIZATIONAL RELATIONSHIP
What do you call a nation on the opposite side of the planet that's been stripped of resources, that has been drained by war, that has spent its arsenal and has barely enough garrison left to maintain its tyranny over its own people and close its borders to a hated, aggressive enemy, that has been tirelessly investigated by the United Nations to the point where it even buries its fighter aircraft in desert sand to preserve some assets in case of war, and that has no capability whatsoever to deliver any kind of destructive payload more than a few hundred miles away; a nation surrounded by enemies, hated in the region for its tyrrany and secularity, and which has no friends other than the remnants of a fallen Commnist power, a nation of isolationist pacifists, and your own nation, in "better" times; a nation which is overwhelmed in weeks, disarmed in months, and can only resort to persistent guerilla sneak attacks on a small scale to maintain any military equity over the long term against the most advanced and powerful army on earth?
IMMINENT THREAT
What do you call the group of armies from several, disperate nations that include, in some cases, only a few hundred token troops, when those not participating in the group are ostrcized, lambasted, and cut off politically and economically, and when many of those participating have provided their token forces, in all evidence, to avoid the ostricization, lambasting, and censure that would have resulted had they failed to participate?
COALITION OF THE WILLING
What do you call a campaign that declares war on the sovereign nation of Iraq, without the invitation of its people to come liberate them, and that creates an environment less tolerable than the tyranny that existed before the invasion; that subjects former Sunni oppressors to torture and murder without repurcussion, that incites its Shia majority to unite with the nation's once-hated enemy of Iran towards the goal of building a stifling religious oligarchy, and which inspires its Kurdish faction to anger its neighbor, Turkey, by aggressively working to succeed from the state?
OPERATION IRAQI FREEDOM
What do you call a process that kills at least 30,000 and up to 100,000 civilians, allows the looting of major industrial assets and the destruction of ancient art treasures of value to the entire world, and that completely decemates the economy and infrastructure of a country for years on end?
NATION BUILDING
What do you call military acts commited against a powerful invader that posesses technological superiority, a will to torture prisoners, and a demonstrable lack of discretion between civilian and military targets, when said invader preemptively declared open war on your nation without you doing anything militarily against that nation to warrant such a response?
TERRORISM
What do you call the armed militia that arises to defend their homes against invaders that have preemptively declared open war against them, when said militia seeks only to protect their nation, neighbors, and way of life from being destroyed by such invaders, when said militia is captured by that invading enemy?
ENEMY COMBATANTS (*NOT* "PRISONERS OF WAR")
What do you call it when democratically elected representitives of the people, upon learning through a slow and painful process that the intelligence information used to persuade them to vote to preemptively declare war on a sovereign nation that did not attack them first was in fact faulty and incorrect, begin questioning said intelligence, the policy of the administration that provided it, that administration's motivation to war, and the viability and defensibilty of the war declaration itself, in order to assure that power has not been abused, laws broken, and the people of the United States misrepresented in the world community?
SELECTIVE MEMORY, RE-WRITING HISTORY, and BEING WISHY-WASHY (aka "HAVING NO BACKBONE")
What do you call the act of willfully underfunding a militiary operation that turns a multi-billion dollar budget surplus into the worst national deficit in history, so that American citizens are left destitute in the face of a predicted national disaster and so that the most fundamental of social programs must be trimmed or elminated to compensate; an operation that will leave Americans paying extra money into a hole, with nothing to show for it, for decades and decades to come; an open-ended operation, the final tab for which will likely approach a half- to a trillion dollars, which must be paid by a levy on Americans in some form at some point?
TAX RELIEF
What do you call a philosophical perspective on the creation of the universe that invests a supreme being not with the omnipotent power, subtlety, and exquisite craft to make the universe as it is proven to be - vast, intricate, grand and minute, evolving, and very, very old - in favor of implying that said supreme being was a lazy, heavy-handed, hurried bumbler who could only jam things together quickly on a small scale, in a tight time frame, in their final form, and from the basest of materials, despite the fact that there is no provable evidence to support the idea and a crushingly overwhelming proof to the contrary?
INTELLIGENT DESIGN
What do you call a federal disaster area, once populated by mostly impoverished minorities, which, after being abandoned by the federal government, law enforcement, and the Federal Emergencey Management Agency after a handily-predicted and the second worst natural disaster in American history, is so utterly devestated that nearly all of it must be demolished, whereupon a huge segment of the impoverished minority population vows never to return?
THE GULF OPPORTUNITY ZONE
What do you call adhering to bad choices, admitting no wrong, and taking no blame, and making bad situations worse by being inflexible, stubborn, monomaniacal, and utterly ignorant of the damage you are doing by such narrow-mindedness?
STAYING THE COURSE
What do you call it when conscientious, rational people, who are empowered by the Constitution of the United States of America and the votes of its citizens to be a check and balance against your power, step forward to ask questions, chalenge your choices, demand accountability to the people by whose indulgence you hold power, and offer viable alternatives to the bad decisions you have made in their name?
POLITICIZING
The problem with these jokes, however, is that they aren't at all funny.
SNEAK ATTACK
What do you call a side dish made from potatoes that you rename in an attempt to chastise, censor, and silence a good friend for merely excercising their right to be openly critical of a bad decision you made?
FREEDOM FRIES
What do you call a tax, the sole purpose of which is to prevent extremely wealthy families from developing untouchable powerbases and one-way financial engines that add nothing to the economy?
DEATH TAX
What do you call an institution that was originally created for the legal binding of houses for purposes of political power-maintenance and the legal creation of families and financial units for protection from institutionalized government, when said institution has only included an element of real romance and choice in the last two centuries; an institution that, in its present form, includes pagan rituals, practices innovated in the 20th century, and which destroyed dozens of ancient forms of itself in a relentless religious pogrom lasting almost a millenia?
TRADITIONAL MARRIAGE
What do you call a series of laws designed to drastically reduce the civil rights of individual Americans, under the auspices of fighting terrorism and "protecting" said Americans, when such laws usurp the intent of our Founding Fathers that no individual or single branch of government should have power over our citizens without checks and balances from two other houses, a principle laid down to prevent the kind of governmental abuses that originally inspired us to seek our independence as a nation in the first place?
THE PATRIOT ACT
What do you call a relationship between a dogmatic oligarch, so zealous in his religion that he's willing to commit genocide in its name, and a secular tyrant so prodigal and narcistic that every depravity known to man was commited under his regieme?
INTIMATE ORGANIZATIONAL RELATIONSHIP
What do you call a nation on the opposite side of the planet that's been stripped of resources, that has been drained by war, that has spent its arsenal and has barely enough garrison left to maintain its tyranny over its own people and close its borders to a hated, aggressive enemy, that has been tirelessly investigated by the United Nations to the point where it even buries its fighter aircraft in desert sand to preserve some assets in case of war, and that has no capability whatsoever to deliver any kind of destructive payload more than a few hundred miles away; a nation surrounded by enemies, hated in the region for its tyrrany and secularity, and which has no friends other than the remnants of a fallen Commnist power, a nation of isolationist pacifists, and your own nation, in "better" times; a nation which is overwhelmed in weeks, disarmed in months, and can only resort to persistent guerilla sneak attacks on a small scale to maintain any military equity over the long term against the most advanced and powerful army on earth?
IMMINENT THREAT
What do you call the group of armies from several, disperate nations that include, in some cases, only a few hundred token troops, when those not participating in the group are ostrcized, lambasted, and cut off politically and economically, and when many of those participating have provided their token forces, in all evidence, to avoid the ostricization, lambasting, and censure that would have resulted had they failed to participate?
COALITION OF THE WILLING
What do you call a campaign that declares war on the sovereign nation of Iraq, without the invitation of its people to come liberate them, and that creates an environment less tolerable than the tyranny that existed before the invasion; that subjects former Sunni oppressors to torture and murder without repurcussion, that incites its Shia majority to unite with the nation's once-hated enemy of Iran towards the goal of building a stifling religious oligarchy, and which inspires its Kurdish faction to anger its neighbor, Turkey, by aggressively working to succeed from the state?
OPERATION IRAQI FREEDOM
What do you call a process that kills at least 30,000 and up to 100,000 civilians, allows the looting of major industrial assets and the destruction of ancient art treasures of value to the entire world, and that completely decemates the economy and infrastructure of a country for years on end?
NATION BUILDING
What do you call military acts commited against a powerful invader that posesses technological superiority, a will to torture prisoners, and a demonstrable lack of discretion between civilian and military targets, when said invader preemptively declared open war on your nation without you doing anything militarily against that nation to warrant such a response?
TERRORISM
What do you call the armed militia that arises to defend their homes against invaders that have preemptively declared open war against them, when said militia seeks only to protect their nation, neighbors, and way of life from being destroyed by such invaders, when said militia is captured by that invading enemy?
ENEMY COMBATANTS (*NOT* "PRISONERS OF WAR")
What do you call it when democratically elected representitives of the people, upon learning through a slow and painful process that the intelligence information used to persuade them to vote to preemptively declare war on a sovereign nation that did not attack them first was in fact faulty and incorrect, begin questioning said intelligence, the policy of the administration that provided it, that administration's motivation to war, and the viability and defensibilty of the war declaration itself, in order to assure that power has not been abused, laws broken, and the people of the United States misrepresented in the world community?
SELECTIVE MEMORY, RE-WRITING HISTORY, and BEING WISHY-WASHY (aka "HAVING NO BACKBONE")
What do you call the act of willfully underfunding a militiary operation that turns a multi-billion dollar budget surplus into the worst national deficit in history, so that American citizens are left destitute in the face of a predicted national disaster and so that the most fundamental of social programs must be trimmed or elminated to compensate; an operation that will leave Americans paying extra money into a hole, with nothing to show for it, for decades and decades to come; an open-ended operation, the final tab for which will likely approach a half- to a trillion dollars, which must be paid by a levy on Americans in some form at some point?
TAX RELIEF
What do you call a philosophical perspective on the creation of the universe that invests a supreme being not with the omnipotent power, subtlety, and exquisite craft to make the universe as it is proven to be - vast, intricate, grand and minute, evolving, and very, very old - in favor of implying that said supreme being was a lazy, heavy-handed, hurried bumbler who could only jam things together quickly on a small scale, in a tight time frame, in their final form, and from the basest of materials, despite the fact that there is no provable evidence to support the idea and a crushingly overwhelming proof to the contrary?
INTELLIGENT DESIGN
What do you call a federal disaster area, once populated by mostly impoverished minorities, which, after being abandoned by the federal government, law enforcement, and the Federal Emergencey Management Agency after a handily-predicted and the second worst natural disaster in American history, is so utterly devestated that nearly all of it must be demolished, whereupon a huge segment of the impoverished minority population vows never to return?
THE GULF OPPORTUNITY ZONE
What do you call adhering to bad choices, admitting no wrong, and taking no blame, and making bad situations worse by being inflexible, stubborn, monomaniacal, and utterly ignorant of the damage you are doing by such narrow-mindedness?
STAYING THE COURSE
What do you call it when conscientious, rational people, who are empowered by the Constitution of the United States of America and the votes of its citizens to be a check and balance against your power, step forward to ask questions, chalenge your choices, demand accountability to the people by whose indulgence you hold power, and offer viable alternatives to the bad decisions you have made in their name?
POLITICIZING
The problem with these jokes, however, is that they aren't at all funny.
posted by Unknown at
08:13
|
0 Comments
