What the President should have said.

MY Fellow Americans:

I’ve fucking had enough, haven’t you? British Petroleum has acted with malice, incompetence, and arrogance since the day their rig caught fire and sank below the waves of the Gulf.

We have been more than patient and fair. Patience and fairness that has resulted in continued misdirection, lies, and incompetence from every level of BP from their CEO all the way to the lowliest worker on the rig.

This is a national emergency, perhaps even more severe than any we have faced before, since so many Americans and so much of our shores are under a direct threat of destruction.

Therefore, starting from today, I am changing the nature of this crisis. It is no longer an environmental crisis; I am considering this an act of war. I have ordered our ambassador home from London for consultations, and I declare that the “special relationship” long held between the US and England is now over. I have ordered an immediate seizure of all of BP’s assets in the United States.

These assets, and any income derived from the sale of these assets will be distributed directly to those affected by the oil spill first, then any balance remaining will go directly to the cleanup efforts.

I am also ordering the United States Navy to seize all the British Petroleum oil platforms within our 200-mile economic zone. These platforms are now American Petroleum, and if the safety of any of these rigs is questionable, they will be shut down immediately.

I realize that this will have dramatic and probably negative consequences to our economy; even now I expect the price of gas to shoot up over $5/gallon.

We would do well to look at our history…from the Great Depression, to Pearl Harbor, to WWII…our forbears have faced adversity and persevered. From curing diseases, developing technology, and putting a man on the moon, we have always faced challenges to our society with genius and inspiration.

From this point forward, we will become energy-independent. I have just signed an Executive Order requiring that all oil extracted in the United States be refined and sold in the United States, no matter what country owns the oil rig. It’s our oil, and as such, it should go to Americans, and not the Chinese or the larger world market. I have ordered that any and all Wind Farm projects be immediately approved, wherever they may be. The objections of the privileged few can no longer stand in the way of progress for us all. I have asked the United States Navy to begin exploring whether we can build more submarine-style reactors across the US. As the largest operator of nuclear reactors in the world, the knowledge and expertise of our military is unparalleled, and should be put to good use for our citizens as well.

My fellow Americans….we face a dramatic challenge, for survival of our Gulf States, and for our energy independence. We tried it the old way, and the result was an unnecessary war, 4,000 dead GIs, and over a billion dollars squandered.

The challenges are many, but if we cannot band together as Americans and solve them, then I must declare that the great experiment begun by our Founding Fathers will be a failure, and our days as a global leader will be numbered.

Finally, I ask that we remember the human tragedy. Let us pause for a moment and remember the 11 Americans that were murdered as a direct result of BP negligence.

God Bless America, and the World, and let us move forward from here.